U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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