just come out here and I will go home with you...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
