So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
