fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
