Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
