Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well you can't waste a boner
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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