I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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