It's Friday. Sex?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
the raccoons are back...
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