I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
