Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
