why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
