I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
