All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
