OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You are the jesus of drinking
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
