So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
