ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
