So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do vagina's smell?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
