good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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