Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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