I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
