please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
