This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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