GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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