apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
