There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
