How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
