so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
