If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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