Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
