I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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