she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
