she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
