I just saw a hot homeless man
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
