How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
