So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
