Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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