well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
