i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
