Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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