I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
