is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We just shotgunned beers for America
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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