I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
