i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think i just lost a toe
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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