so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
