Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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