This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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