it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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