broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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