The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
