they need to just BURY HIM!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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