What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
