Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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